i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
