You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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