the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
