your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
