WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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