Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
