I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
