A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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