i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
