Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
false alarm. still invincible.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
