this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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