You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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