4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
