Moan for me like Helen Keller
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
