Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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