My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
