I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
