we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
