bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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