Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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