She went from zero to smokin in five shots
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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