i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
