Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
