when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dont even know how to be here
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
