The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
