I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
