just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
