you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
