I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All the doctor said was why
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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