I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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