we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
