I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
