At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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