I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
