If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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