I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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