i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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