My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
