I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I could punch you in the face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Randomize
