and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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