One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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