Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
