after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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