It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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