I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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