i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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