now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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