what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
