my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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