spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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