why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So vagazzling was a success
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
