So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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