Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
