His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
