A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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