In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
