I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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