It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
